Thank you very much for your advice: -guest(dan) @卡尔加里华人论坛:卡尔加里枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Calgary

枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / Tell you a true story and guess what is the ending… -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 {2494} (#127752@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛More than 10 years ago, 3 months after I had been to a university, a guy of our department who is 7 years older than I chased after me. He loved me so much that he wrote letters and poems to me every day. He had very good literary grace and I liked to read his letters. But I didn’t feel I had any feeling towards him. I was a naive and ignorant girl then, and also a kind girl. I didn’t know I could refuse him if I didn’t like his date. All I knew is that I couldn’t hurt him. Until one day he told me a story about how his two friends who had been lovers split up. I seemed to suddenly wake up then that I could turn down him as well. So I started to refuse to meet him and stop writing to him. He was deeply hurt, he kept writing letters with tears and blood to me, and I cried every time reading his letter. Things seemed to calm down after the struggle. He got married half a year later after our separate. But one year after his wedding, he came back to me again. He still loved me and started to write to me again. For me, I just treated him as a friend whom I owned much but could not return anything back. He went to a Canadian university later and he wrote to me that, he used my name as his password so that he could call me many times a day. Our correspondence stopped after I graduated and got married.

I lived well in China until one thing happened last year. I was in a despairing state and very much needed help then. I happened to see his old letters that I didn’t throw away. I tried every way to look for him and thank god I found him through the net. He is still in Canada and he is a senior manager in a big company now. He was the only person on the earth I could trust then. I wrote to him and he wrote me back quickly. Gradually my mode was getting better and better, and I found I was so attracted by his emails that I felt so lost without getting his message one day. I loved to read his messages and as I said, he is a master of languages, of course he also has an intelligent brain. I totally fell in my net love. As for him, he told me he never forgot me. He often dreamed me and thought of me every year when he saw pure and white snow in Canada. I too was crazy for him and I was so happy that I got a true love that few people could get in the world.

I am married and have a child. He has two kids. Both of us don’t want to hurt our families. I am on the process of applying for immigration to Canada.

So, guess what is the ending of the story?更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

women are moody animals. Men are cheating animals. -beijing-dj(beijing-dj); 2001-7-11 {275} (#127810@0)
I suggest you watch one more time 大-话-西-游 and 《了不起的盖茨比》before dreaming of uniting with him again. We can never tread into the same river. What he has dreamed probably is not what you possess.
I guess the end of the story is life is just as what it should be.

I watched 大-话-西-游 several times and every time tears drop down when I saw the last scene: He made the man kiss the girl and turned back going away with 无奈 and seeming 超脱.... -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 {932} (#127840@0)
I wrote this post with tears too. You may say it so lightly that women are just moody and men cheats. I don’t believe that. I remember my craziness waiting and writing to him, I remember how his warm words made me happy a whole day and I remember vividly how accessing emails was the only important thing in my life. He didn’t cheat me, he never cheated me. He never said he loved me more than he loved his children, he never promised me anything. All I needed was the feeling that a man far away cared about me and after so many years he still remembers me and cares about me. When I said, “ who cares whether I will live better or not in Canada than in China.” he said, “I care. ” The reason I wanted to go to Canada is not for him. I do it for myself. I need a new place, a little more freedom and fresh air. I probably won’t go to the same city as where he is now.

I didn’t watch 《了不起的盖茨比》 What is it about?

I don't believe a man would dream of you for more than 10 years! -guest:; 2001-7-11 (#128053@0)

I was telling a true story, believe it or not. -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 (#128145@0)

Your age may be 30, your thought looks like 20 and your action is more like 10. -guest:藍天白雲; 2001-7-11 (#128110@0)

So you mean a person of age 30 should't have thought of love and crazy behaviour for love? Does love not exist when people are getting older? -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 (#128141@0)

People can have love at any age. But you are too long for love and forget you were not the girl ten years ago and he was not the boy ten years ago, you are a women and he is man now! -guest:藍天白雲; 2001-7-11 (#128295@0)

I didn't mean to get love when trying to find him. All I wanted is to get help. He did help me. Feeling was aroused by itself, I could't control. We are different from 10 years ago, so we won't get divorced. -guest:; 2001-7-11 (#128464@0)

it's very simple: the guy keeps thinking about you from time to time, because he has never really got you. when he really got you, hei hei ..., then it will be a different story ... you know what i am saying. -jesus(jesus); 2001-7-11 (#128182@0)

哇，这位姐姐我发觉你比我还浪漫。：)我就不明白了你到底爱还是不爱他，这么暧昧又恍恍忽忽。 -qingzhou(Çá舟); 2001-7-11 {165} (#128225@0)
也许你只是沉浸在以前虚幻的虚荣中。不知道你和你丈夫他和他妻子之间感情如何，我只知道我理解中的true lovr蕴含在平淡岁月里不刻意修饰的相扶相携中。嘻嘻，我是浪漫中的俗人。

true love? 嘻嘻，我看她只是爱上自己的感觉吧，要爱早就爱了，何必等到现在？ -moonriver(moon river); 2001-7-11 (#128277@0)

Love is a strange thing. I guess you are still very young. -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 (#128466@0)

女人的成熟靠的是悟性，不是年龄。 -qingzhou(Çá舟); 2001-7-12 (#129573@0)

you're too 浪漫 la... why post your message under mine la? i'm not 姐姐 la. -jesus(jesus); 2001-7-11 (#128337@0)

only 很不careful post wrong la，u noise 什么。i know u r not 姐姐la,u r 帅哥哥la. -qingzhou(Çá舟); 2001-7-12 (#129570@0)

"帅哥哥" mm... i like that. ok, i forgive you. -jesus(jesus); 2001-7-13 (#130565@0)

嘻嘻，帅哥哥耳根子就是软：) -samlee(ROAMERSINGER); 2001-7-13 (#131081@0)
嘻嘻，帅哥哥耳根子就是软：) 不好意思，我刚才又用别人的电脑没sign off了：( -qingzhou(Çá舟); 2001-7-13 (#131083@0)

I thought it was a true love when the feeling was so strong, when I felt my whole life was for the love. I didn't see the peaceful warm in my family. People see one same thing differently in different mood. -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 (#128479@0)

Please remember: the stronger, the shorter -guest:藍天白雲; 2001-7-11 (#128504@0)

You are right, and thank you. -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 (#128861@0)

当然爱情这东西本身就是一种独特的情感体验，因人而异，有些缘份就是超出一般情理的。然生命中除了爱情还有许多别的，如能把个人欲求限定在合理范围内，在稳定中协调也未尝不可。 -qingzhou(Çá舟); 2001-7-12 {90} (#129582@0)
最强烈的快乐往往源自最深刻的痛苦，问题只在于你有没有能力来承受这份激情以及处理过后的疲惫。

Sometimes it is not the problem of what I want to do but whether I can do it. It is so tired trying to suppress myself. So, I will just let nature take its course…… -guest:dan; 2001-7-12 (#130079@0)

You are right to some extent, even it is so cold to reveal the truth...... -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 {234} (#128872@0)
If I had fallen in love with him in college, he wouldn’t know his feeling would last so long and I wouldn’t have such strong feeling today, we might just be like ordinary couple having quarrels and calmness but less passion of love.

You hurted the man 10 years ago and he never forgot. Now it's time for him to play with you and at the end let you be hurted more deeply than him... you give him the chance -wander2001(wander); 2001-7-11 (#128231@0)

This is the worst comment. I salute you if you can totally control your feelings and have such a rocky heart --- That is what I wanted the most. I've tried many times to get rid off the feeling but I couldn't. -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 (#128470@0)

Which one do you mean "with a rocky heart", the lady or the man? Time can change everything except strongest love or strongest hate, love or hate, who knows? -wander2001(wander); 2001-7-11 (#128572@0)

I meant you have a rocky heart saying like that. I didn’t mean to hurt him many years ago and he knew that. It was my foolishness did. But few people are really strong facing feeling.身不由己. -guest:dan; 2001-7-12 (#129102@0)

仍然孓然一身的小伙子们，快来学学如何获得MM的芳心。什么叫超越时间和空间的魅力。 -rollor(Rollor); 2001-7-11 (#128271@0)
有一个孩子的父亲你还可以考虑，两个的你就别想了。两个孩子的男人家庭观要重好多。而且真要离婚的话事也特多。他的收入交完赡养费也没多少了。 -guest:; 2001-7-11 (#128305@0)
一位朋友说过,很多事情都是自己想出来的,呵呵,很有道理的哦. -qiuqiu(秋秋); 2001-7-11 (#128482@0)
Let it be, love is hard to analyze, to be happy and don't hurt yourself and your lover again.Feel love, that's enough. Take care. -tita(new_view); 2001-7-11 (#128612@0)

Thank you, really, tears swell again reading your words....... -guest:dan; 2001-7-11 {412} (#128858@0)
I wanted to let it be. I have many things to care, my child, my family and my work. How I wish I could be like most of you all here having a light heart and not feeling being drawn by something. I tell the story here to force myself to open my mind by reading different opinions, to see how others laugh at my foolishness, to have a chance to see how feeling is nothing in a colorful world, so to release myself.

Unbelievable, step 1, 2, 3... -wildflowers(小小女子); 2001-7-11 (#128867@0)
Dan, I think you have three options to choose, depending on what kind of person you are. -motown(motown); 2001-7-12 {639} (#129038@0)
1. Forget him, because it's a old story and now you have your own family and your own kid to care about. 2. Maintain your family and keep him as a secret lover, because you think you need different kind of love to meet your emotional need, and you can manage quite well the complexity of your relationships. 3. Give up your current and encourage your lover to give up his, because you think your love for him and his love for him is real and true, and you both cannot live without it.

But all in all, remember life is too short to waste and you should treasure what you really treasue. Any take resposibility for whatever you will do.

Thank you very much for your advice: -guest:dan; 2001-7-12 {624} (#129085@0)
1. I am trying to forget him but till now I am not successful. I would prefer this choice if I could. I tried several times not to write to him, once I even blocked his email address, but after a week’s torture, I couldn’t help but opening it and replying to his messages again.

2. So far, we can only do like this. But it is not so easy either. I am not that 心安理得. The struggle, paradox and guilty feeling to my family affect our relation too.

3. No, definitely not this one. I won’t do this. Even if we get our freedom to be together through this, the hurts to two families won’t let us get real happiness.

Do everything in a natural way. My advice is -beijing-dj(beijing-dj); 2001-7-12 {533} (#129106@0)
NEVER Let Your Curiosity Hang There and not Satisfied. Don't try to block his emial access. It's no use and it may stir more of your curiosity. When you feel like to write to him, do it; and read his reply mails as before.
When you really have chance to get together (not necessarily marriage or family), do what you like to do. You will learn from life. Sometimes we have to get the truth after satisfying our curiosity.
You don't need to restraint your feeling at all. Just do what you like. Solution is on its way......
长痛不如短痛。既然没有结果，何必苦苦执求？人生从来无法十全十美，总得有取有舍。 -motown(motown); 2001-7-12 (#129576@0)
You two have almost opposite advice. ...... -guest:dan; 2001-7-12 {656} (#130070@0)
It is good to cut all feelings and return back to peace. I thought the same before. But the problems are, first, I am not a strong person, I couldn’t control myself, the more times I try, the deeper the hurt both of us get; second, isn’t it true that sweetness and joy from love feeling are what people want? In the bottom of my heart I don’t want to lose him. On the other hand, both of us love our kids and don’t want to hurt them. So, I want to do as beijing-dj, new_view and Çá舟said, just let it be, let nature take its course, no matter what the ending is, I only hope in the end I could say to myself, at least I tried not to hurt anybody.

Thank you all for your help. I feel better now :-) -guest:dan; 2001-7-12 (#130084@0)

@Calgary

Thank you very much for your advice:

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