本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Transcript of the victim impact statement by Raymond Zhang, Xu, father of
Cecilia Zhang, played on video in court Tuesday:

I'm Raymond Zhang, Cecilia's father. I was born in China and my family immigrated
to Canada in 1998, when Cecilia was four years old.

Cecilia was our only daughter, and she was such an angel who brought us
endless joy throughout her all-too-short life. She was our greatest treasure
and no one could ever understand our loss.

She had a very kind, caring and loving nature ever since she was very little.
When she was a very young baby, she laughed much more than she cried. When
she grew up, she had developed great love for nature, animals and life.
We loved to walk in nature, and she loved to make friends with animals.
She was able to identify so many different plants and animals even when
she was very young. She loved her best cat friends “Happy” and “Lucy,”
whom she took care of so well. One day, we asked her, “What do you want
to be when you grow up?” She said to us firmly, “Become a vet.” One of
her great wishes was “I also wish that I have all the animals in the world
to be my friends and all of my friends could visit them.” And her other
wish is “My other wish is that meat can be produced without the killing
of animals, but the world won't be over filling with animals.” I couldn't
hold my tears when I found her wish list on her assignment after she left
us. It was so cruel that her life was taken away by the accused at such
a young age, yet she had so much passion for life.

She had a great sense of humour. She loved to make jokes. I still remember
at one of my birthday parties, she played an anchor from CTV news and pretended
to hold a microphone to interview my guests.

She was smart, intelligent and innovative. She demonstrated it by qualifying
for the gifted program. We loved to play some computer games together. One
of our favourite games is called “Age of Mythology,” which is very complicated.
She didn't need me to teach her much, and she was able to quickly figure
out the solutions and discover some new methods. However, she only built
her kingdom in the game, and never attacked her opponent. After she finished
building, she would say, “Well, Dad, it's your turn,” I then realized
that she cherished life and did not like killing.

She also loved music, art and handcraft. She loved playing the piano. In
the silence of our home, the songs she used to play are still lingering
in my ears. The image of her vivid piano playing is very much in my mind.
However, only the heart-shaped clay treasure box she made is left sitting
on her desk.

Oct. 20, 2003, is the darkest day in my life. My beloved Cecilia was kidnapped
from our home. After the day, my whole world collapsed.

Shock, despair, anxiety, anger - no word could ever possibly express my
feelings. Life has become an endless nightmare since then. After the initial
aimless search in panic, we reported to the police. Then, an Amber Alert
was issued and our street was packed with media. I was desperate to watch
the news and hope there could be some leads. But every picture and every
mention of my beloved Cecilia struck my heart so that I couldn't watch.

I still feel breathless and my mind is frozen whenever I recall those days.
The crucial 24 hours passed; nothing happened; my heart felt seized and
twisted. The greatest fear came into my mind: Cecilia might never come back.
Then, during the following sleepless 72 hours, I was mentally and physically
devastated and exhausted, I remember I couldn't stop coughing and vomiting.
I would rather die than live like this.

However, as parents, in this situation, we would try anything even though
there might just be a millionth of a chance. We decided to go to news conferences
and call upon the public for help. It was so hard for me to do, no one would
ever want to experience these: facing the public; facing the camera; tell
my heart-broken story; appeal to the kidnapper; desperately hope the perpetrator
could have a little compassion to release my daughter; appeal to whoever
had some leads could possibly come forward to the police.

At the same time, we had to cope with the police investigation and went
through the endless interviews. In the beginning, the suspicion and speculations
hurt us very much. Not only did we have to endure the disappearance of our
beloved Cecilia, but also to withstand the stress on us as a result of the
investigation and endless rumours.

After launching our website specially designed for finding Cecilia, we got
lots of leads from the public, although most of them were from psychics.
We had no choice but to drive to those places they described in their messages.
The place could be in the woods in north Ontario, a river in Oshawa, or
a remote lake in Quebec. Each time, we returned with increased helplessness
and exhaustion.

Thinking that the greatest motive behind kidnapping was for ransom, we then
refinanced our home for $200,000. With this amount of money, we set up the
trust fund with our lawyer. We just wished that the money would be ready
when the ransom demand came. However, we heard nothing. In our desperation,
we thought Cecilia might be transferred to the States. We rushed to Detroit
and Buffalo to put up the flyers. We went from shop to shop, lamp post to
lamp post to paste the flyers. Some “positive news” finally came to us.
Our lawyer was contacted by someone who claimed to possess Cecilia and have
her recent photo. They wanted an “exchange.” Of course, it turned out
to be a scam. This is just one example of the many “ups and downs” or
roller-coaster ride that really at times drove us crazy and other times utterly
tormented us.

Despite all these frequent turmoils and endless frustrations, we still had
to cope with the reality of daily life. In addition, we were left to spend
holidays lonely, empty and feeling scared. For Halloween, Cecilia liked
to play “Cinderella” or “Snow White”; her costumes were left unworn
in her closet. Christmas, which Cecilia loved most, and then Chinese New
Year, which she would wear her Chinese traditional costume, passed by without
our sweet Cecilia. Instead, we had to spend those holidays alone in tears.
We desperately wish that a miracle could happen and she would suddenly show
up, so that our anguish could end. But time after time, the wish vanished.
That was a terrible, terrible experience. Ever since, every holiday pierced
my heart.

Minute and minute, day and day, I questioned myself, I blamed myself, what
if I had locked the window, what if I had set up the alarm, what if I hadn't
reported to the police and what if the police had done the investigation
quietly. Every question and every thought was like a sharp, burning arrow
that pierced through my heart. My mind was so tortured that, from time to
time, I had to rely on medicines to pull me out of the deep depression and
devastation.

Cecilia's birthday was March 30, which we celebrated every year. But in
2004, I feared that it could become the saddest day we had to face. It was
so cruel for us to imagine how we could spent the day without her. However,
the case seemed to have gotten nowhere, and we were hoping to appeal to
the public again to get more leads. We reluctantly decided to open our home
to celebrate her birthday in order to refresh the public's memory. But while
we were preparing for the celebration, the horrible news came, just three
days before her birthday. When the tragic news came, we were totally devastated,
mentally and physically. I can't recall how I actually survived that day.
I just remember everything seemed to be frozen, I couldn't hear, couldn't
say a word, couldn't even weep until eventually I realized we have lost
her in this world. Both of us did not want to live. We really wanted to
retreat from life. Our love and our hope in life vanished instantly. I will
never see my beloved Cecilia again in this life. I will not be able to hear
her laughter again, and I will not get another hug or kiss from her. No words
can express the pain, the loss and the anger in my heart.

The news hit my parents as hard as it did to me. The tragedy has become
a scar permanently carved on hearts of everyone in our whole family. And
the scar has been reopened too many times - by many places and by many events,
such as the investigation, pretrial, and the trial, or related news. Even
now, under seemingly innocent circumstances such as visits to great universities,
the pain still hits me very hard, because I realize that Cecilia would
never have a chance to fulfil her dreams.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net