本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛MY TWO CENTS
我看了你列的六条毛病,和他在学校的行为(写KILLSELF, KISS 墙壁) 等, 我觉得那六条无伤大雅，家长完全可以对症下药．在学校的行为到是值得家长下点工夫，找出结症．
１． 在餐馆自己吃饱了以后就离开座位玩,看看这看看那的.
孩子才六岁，注意力集中的时间有限，吃完饭枯坐实在是很乏味．当然四处走动也不好，一来家长要不停的注意孩子，势必影响食欲， 二来会影响其他食客．如果家长不能接受这种行为，可以参考几个方面：
每次出去吃饭之前，准备一些他喜欢的东西带着，如他喜欢的书， ＣＯＬＯＲＩＮＧ ＢＯＯＫ，ＤＩＡＲＹ ＮＯＴＥＢＯＯＫ， ＰＯＲＴＡＢＬＥ ＤＶＤ ＰＬＡＹＥＲ，．．ＥＴＣ．他吃完后仍然有事可做，离开座位的机会就少了。
另外六岁的孩子懂得一定的道理，在家里可以和他好好解释一下，在餐馆四处走动会影响其他食客．如果他同意这一点．你也调动他的智慧,让他自己想一些办法，杜绝／减少这类行为的产生．
２． 遇见让他兴奋的事情,会大声说话,比如带他去ONTRAIO PLACE, 车到的时候,他会大声喊一嗓子, YEAH!!ONTARIO PLACE~~~
１００％ ＮＯＲＭＡＬ． 他只是个外向，情绪热烈的孩子． It is really good that he can express himself freely.
Maybe you can take time to figure out what in particular bothers you in this case? Is it because he is too loud? Is it because the way he express himself? If you feel that he is too loud, you can gently remind him to keep his voice low. If you feel embarrassed by the way he expresses himself, then figure out why you feel that way. Is it because you are not used to express yourself in this way, or is it because you feel that this kind of expression is not accepted socially.
Once you can figure it out, I am pretty sure at the same time you will have the answer how to handle this situation.
３． 跟小朋友一起玩游戏的时候,老想赢
This is him personality, want to win, want to be the best, hard to accept the fact that he is not the best on certain things. He may be a perfectionist to himself to a degree in future.
I have a child who is the same.
It is not easy (probably not realistic) to change a person’s personalities. All we can do is to influence and mould them.
There are lots of things you can do if you want to let him know it is ok not to be the winner.
1) Play the games with him and show him that you as a parents will lose the game sometimes.
2) Read books/tell stories about some famous sport players so that he can see even the Number 1 player will lose the game
3) No need to give him speech, he will realize it by time.
4) Engage him in some team sports so that he will win and lose with the other kids, hence he won’t feel so isolated when he loses. It will help him grow.
４． 遇到想做而做不到的事就会抱怨或跟父母刷赖一会儿.
Same as item 3. It is hard for him to accept that he is not able to do certain things. Kids at this age in particular, are very easy to get frustrated simply they want to achieve a lot, but physically not able to.
Be the role module to him. You can pretend that you have a very difficult task at work, (or you can just pretend this kind of conversation with your hobby, and I am sure he will stick his nose in from time to time), and tell him that how u work it out.
５． 胆小,不敢玩看似危险的游戏,比如水上滑行或爬高爬树之类的活动
I guess he is good at assessing the risk associated. My son is exactly the same. My son won’t go to a new room if I don’t walk in with him for the first time, even at his friends house.
I think we just have to accept the fact that he is not a daring kid, not a risk taker. As a parent, rather than looking this as a weakness, we should be thankful that he will seldom put himself into danger and make us worry.
All we can do is, get him out to the play ground, and let him play, or show him how to play. Try not to label him, not to give him lectures. The best is to find some opportunities, and get him involved in those activities slowly. Eventually he will be abloe to do it.
６． 带他出去玩,不听话,老是牵着父母找自己喜欢玩的,不跟父母走.
Normal. I guess you son wants to (or is used to) make decision by himself, or at least he want s to be part of the decision making. This is the leadership potential so be happy. He shows that he is not a follower.
So give him the chance. Of course, you don’t want him to be too bossy. So you can
1) every one take turns to decide which direction to go, or
2) three of u sit down together the night before, write down what are the places everyone wants to be, and make up the map.
The behavior at school definitely deserves some attention.
He probably has been experiencing a lot of tension with his teacher. Smart kids are normally very sensitive too. They know who likes them, who don't. They know who they can take advantage on, and whom they could not. Put yourself into his shoes, it won’t easy at all to be a kid in that situation. He may be have built a lot of emotions inside and you need to help him to get it out.
He now is not comfortable talking about his feeling to the teacher, even to you. Maybe he is worried about the consequences, or maybe he feels that his feeling is negative, or he may feel by the experience before that the teacher and/or parents will take his behavior/concerns/emotions very negatively.
If you have good relationship with him, u can try to comfort him that you won’t be upset at all, as long as he tells the 100% truth. You can promise that no matter what he says, you will stay cool and calm.
Or you can get him to see some psychologist, and hopefully your son can feel comfortable to speak out him mind.
You have a very smart kid, with strong mind and personality. And I can feel you give him a lot of freedom to grow, which is really good. It will require a lot more of your energy and skills to raise him.
My personal experience as a parent is, try our very best to keep calm, try our best to reflect kids feeling, try not to deny his feeling (this is really very important), try our best to give them the freedom to grow while let them know cleanly where is their boundary. Try our best to make the behavior rules clear and be consistent on it. Try not to label them. Whenever there is an issue, deal with the issue only, avoid emtion blowout.
And most importantly, set realistic expectation because they are only kids.
Parenting is the most challenging work in this world, especially if you want to do a good job.
痛并快乐着．更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
我看了你列的六条毛病,和他在学校的行为(写KILLSELF, KISS 墙壁) 等, 我觉得那六条无伤大雅，家长完全可以对症下药．在学校的行为到是值得家长下点工夫，找出结症．
１． 在餐馆自己吃饱了以后就离开座位玩,看看这看看那的.
孩子才六岁，注意力集中的时间有限，吃完饭枯坐实在是很乏味．当然四处走动也不好，一来家长要不停的注意孩子，势必影响食欲， 二来会影响其他食客．如果家长不能接受这种行为，可以参考几个方面：
每次出去吃饭之前，准备一些他喜欢的东西带着，如他喜欢的书， ＣＯＬＯＲＩＮＧ ＢＯＯＫ，ＤＩＡＲＹ ＮＯＴＥＢＯＯＫ， ＰＯＲＴＡＢＬＥ ＤＶＤ ＰＬＡＹＥＲ，．．ＥＴＣ．他吃完后仍然有事可做，离开座位的机会就少了。
另外六岁的孩子懂得一定的道理，在家里可以和他好好解释一下，在餐馆四处走动会影响其他食客．如果他同意这一点．你也调动他的智慧,让他自己想一些办法，杜绝／减少这类行为的产生．
２． 遇见让他兴奋的事情,会大声说话,比如带他去ONTRAIO PLACE, 车到的时候,他会大声喊一嗓子, YEAH!!ONTARIO PLACE~~~
１００％ ＮＯＲＭＡＬ． 他只是个外向，情绪热烈的孩子． It is really good that he can express himself freely.
Maybe you can take time to figure out what in particular bothers you in this case? Is it because he is too loud? Is it because the way he express himself? If you feel that he is too loud, you can gently remind him to keep his voice low. If you feel embarrassed by the way he expresses himself, then figure out why you feel that way. Is it because you are not used to express yourself in this way, or is it because you feel that this kind of expression is not accepted socially.
Once you can figure it out, I am pretty sure at the same time you will have the answer how to handle this situation.
３． 跟小朋友一起玩游戏的时候,老想赢
This is him personality, want to win, want to be the best, hard to accept the fact that he is not the best on certain things. He may be a perfectionist to himself to a degree in future.
I have a child who is the same.
It is not easy (probably not realistic) to change a person’s personalities. All we can do is to influence and mould them.
There are lots of things you can do if you want to let him know it is ok not to be the winner.
1) Play the games with him and show him that you as a parents will lose the game sometimes.
2) Read books/tell stories about some famous sport players so that he can see even the Number 1 player will lose the game
3) No need to give him speech, he will realize it by time.
4) Engage him in some team sports so that he will win and lose with the other kids, hence he won’t feel so isolated when he loses. It will help him grow.
４． 遇到想做而做不到的事就会抱怨或跟父母刷赖一会儿.
Same as item 3. It is hard for him to accept that he is not able to do certain things. Kids at this age in particular, are very easy to get frustrated simply they want to achieve a lot, but physically not able to.
Be the role module to him. You can pretend that you have a very difficult task at work, (or you can just pretend this kind of conversation with your hobby, and I am sure he will stick his nose in from time to time), and tell him that how u work it out.
５． 胆小,不敢玩看似危险的游戏,比如水上滑行或爬高爬树之类的活动
I guess he is good at assessing the risk associated. My son is exactly the same. My son won’t go to a new room if I don’t walk in with him for the first time, even at his friends house.
I think we just have to accept the fact that he is not a daring kid, not a risk taker. As a parent, rather than looking this as a weakness, we should be thankful that he will seldom put himself into danger and make us worry.
All we can do is, get him out to the play ground, and let him play, or show him how to play. Try not to label him, not to give him lectures. The best is to find some opportunities, and get him involved in those activities slowly. Eventually he will be abloe to do it.
６． 带他出去玩,不听话,老是牵着父母找自己喜欢玩的,不跟父母走.
Normal. I guess you son wants to (or is used to) make decision by himself, or at least he want s to be part of the decision making. This is the leadership potential so be happy. He shows that he is not a follower.
So give him the chance. Of course, you don’t want him to be too bossy. So you can
1) every one take turns to decide which direction to go, or
2) three of u sit down together the night before, write down what are the places everyone wants to be, and make up the map.
The behavior at school definitely deserves some attention.
He probably has been experiencing a lot of tension with his teacher. Smart kids are normally very sensitive too. They know who likes them, who don't. They know who they can take advantage on, and whom they could not. Put yourself into his shoes, it won’t easy at all to be a kid in that situation. He may be have built a lot of emotions inside and you need to help him to get it out.
He now is not comfortable talking about his feeling to the teacher, even to you. Maybe he is worried about the consequences, or maybe he feels that his feeling is negative, or he may feel by the experience before that the teacher and/or parents will take his behavior/concerns/emotions very negatively.
If you have good relationship with him, u can try to comfort him that you won’t be upset at all, as long as he tells the 100% truth. You can promise that no matter what he says, you will stay cool and calm.
Or you can get him to see some psychologist, and hopefully your son can feel comfortable to speak out him mind.
You have a very smart kid, with strong mind and personality. And I can feel you give him a lot of freedom to grow, which is really good. It will require a lot more of your energy and skills to raise him.
My personal experience as a parent is, try our very best to keep calm, try our best to reflect kids feeling, try not to deny his feeling (this is really very important), try our best to give them the freedom to grow while let them know cleanly where is their boundary. Try our best to make the behavior rules clear and be consistent on it. Try not to label them. Whenever there is an issue, deal with the issue only, avoid emtion blowout.
And most importantly, set realistic expectation because they are only kids.
Parenting is the most challenging work in this world, especially if you want to do a good job.
痛并快乐着．更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net