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@Calgary

请教各位家长，你怎么处理？

fhws(凤凰)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛女儿９岁，以前班上一个女孩子生日，邀她去生日PARTY。女儿私下很不喜欢这个女孩子，说她“very annoying, not polite, has bad attitude, never care sb else..."　 但这个女孩子总喜欢邀请女儿去家have play day，还总是送些小礼物给她，女儿想拒绝又碍于面子,　我们教育她要being polite,　虽然每次她都兴致不高, 但也不好常拂了人家好意．这次生日，几天前我就说要准备礼物，女儿不高兴，质问我“why you like her so much!" 她并不是小气，对其他小朋友也都很大方，很nice, 可就是不喜欢我送东西给这个孩子。结果，我只好作罢，礼物买好了也束之高阁。她昨天自己打了电话找了个理由说去不了。结果，今天晚上人家PARTY结束了，晚上经过我家，孩子妈妈特意下车送一包礼物给她，西人孩子过生日都会给去玩的小朋友准备一封礼物，人家早就准备了她的。我觉得很过意不去，不想让人家觉得中国孩子妈妈不懂礼尚往来。可女儿死活就想不通，“I dont like her, why i should pretend i do ?!!" 每次给这个孩子准备礼物，都会弄得女儿眼泪汪汪，怎么讲道理也说不通。搞的我现在很怕这个孩子邀请，都成了负担．刚才跟女儿交流１个小时，问为什么，为什么你不喜欢她，她每次都要邀请你．女儿有３个好朋友，成绩家教都很好，其他３个都不被邀请．我也搞不懂．她说＂All my friends don't like her. she never be nice to my friends, why i should like her". 我只好说，＂at least she is nice to u and treats you well although she is not nice to other people" . 女儿委屈地哭着说＂I don't want her like me and treat me well" ．一晚上搞得我焦头烂额，我只好说我们回送礼物并不是说我们一定要喜欢她，it is just being polite and that's it. 女儿最后恨恨地说＂u just want me pretend i like her". 到最后我都觉的为这事我好象在给她灌输大人的虚伪, 在把成人的人情世故强加给她，也许是我错了？她是否应该follow 她自己的内心直接说ＮＯ呢？希望家长给些意见．更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
(#3303782@0)
Last Updated: 2006-11-4
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下家园 / 望子成龙 / 请教各位家长，你怎么处理？ -fhws(凤凰); 2006-11-4 {1653} (#3303782@0)
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛女儿９岁，以前班上一个女孩子生日，邀她去生日PARTY。女儿私下很不喜欢这个女孩子，说她“very annoying, not polite, has bad attitude, never care sb else..."　 但这个女孩子总喜欢邀请女儿去家have play day，还总是送些小礼物给她，女儿想拒绝又碍于面子,　我们教育她要being polite,　虽然每次她都兴致不高, 但也不好常拂了人家好意．这次生日，几天前我就说要准备礼物，女儿不高兴，质问我“why you like her so much!" 她并不是小气，对其他小朋友也都很大方，很nice, 可就是不喜欢我送东西给这个孩子。结果，我只好作罢，礼物买好了也束之高阁。她昨天自己打了电话找了个理由说去不了。结果，今天晚上人家PARTY结束了，晚上经过我家，孩子妈妈特意下车送一包礼物给她，西人孩子过生日都会给去玩的小朋友准备一封礼物，人家早就准备了她的。我觉得很过意不去，不想让人家觉得中国孩子妈妈不懂礼尚往来。可女儿死活就想不通，“I dont like her, why i should pretend i do ?!!" 每次给这个孩子准备礼物，都会弄得女儿眼泪汪汪，怎么讲道理也说不通。搞的我现在很怕这个孩子邀请，都成了负担．刚才跟女儿交流１个小时，问为什么，为什么你不喜欢她，她每次都要邀请你．女儿有３个好朋友，成绩家教都很好，其他３个都不被邀请．我也搞不懂．她说＂All my friends don't like her. she never be nice to my friends, why i should like her". 我只好说，＂at least she is nice to u and treats you well although she is not nice to other people" . 女儿委屈地哭着说＂I don't want her like me and treat me well" ．一晚上搞得我焦头烂额，我只好说我们回送礼物并不是说我们一定要喜欢她，it is just being polite and that's it. 女儿最后恨恨地说＂u just want me pretend i like her". 到最后我都觉的为这事我好象在给她灌输大人的虚伪, 在把成人的人情世故强加给她，也许是我错了？她是否应该follow 她自己的内心直接说ＮＯ呢？希望家长给些意见．更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • You're wrong. -pigking(铁头猪王); 2006-11-5 {513} (#3304412@0)
      Your kid has her points here: "All my friends don't like her. she never be nice to my friends, why i should like her." Consciously or unconsciously, she is constantly evaluating the bad parts and the good parts of liking that girl(betraying her other friends) and disliking her (being loyal to here other friends). It seems to me she is making a very sensible diciscion here. Don't you ever hear what they say "Love me, love my dog"? Let alone friends...... I can't see you can do better in her situation.
      • 谢谢你的意见，我就是觉得任由人家热脸贴个冷PG好象很过意不去，孩子学校几乎很少中国人，我不想让人家家长觉得中国妈妈不懂礼数，可我背着女儿送好象也不合适。唉。 -fhws(凤凰); 2006-11-5 (#3304645@0)
        • 热脸贴个冷PG... That's life. Get used to it. -pigking(铁头猪王); 2006-11-5 (#3304725@0)
        • 一般推断，你孩子应该还受到她其他那些朋友的压力。礼貌本身不是目的，礼貌是为生活服务的。你愿意为了和某个同事讲"礼貌"而被其他同事排斥吗？哪里都有站队的问题，小孩也不例外。人以类聚，物以群分。这是动物的天性。 -pigking(铁头猪王); 2006-11-5 (#3304977@0)
          • 你说的这个来自朋友的压力我倒没想到过，谢谢提醒。我还担心我老要求她being nice，有时候是否太压抑她自己主观意见，不喜欢也不当面说出来。不够tough在西人环境里将来也很难生存，矛盾啊。 -fhws(凤凰); 2006-11-5 (#3305073@0)
    • 加拿大人也是人，你的想法是对的，孩子有不会的地方当然要教会她（例如为人处事） -nolater(nolater); 2006-11-5 (#3304782@0)
    • 其实如果你女儿不喜欢，在RSVP日期之前不打电话确认，就代表你不会出席，啥问题也没有。如果你跟人家说会出席，人家就按人头准备了，你没有特殊原因是不应该不去的，不去礼物也该送到。 -x888(计划：什么都当美声唱); 2006-11-5 (#3304805@0)
    • 不谈人情世故，“u just want me pretend i like her“ -- 孩子有她自己的情绪和决定，父母需要尊重，哪怕不认同。否则，她慢慢就容易怀疑，否定自己，以后对父母也容易对立。 -mssg(Wild_Killer); 2006-11-5 (#3305010@0)
    • Since she really likes your daughter, why not coach your daughter to influence her in a positive way? Chance to nuture leadership... -hilo(still mellow); 2006-11-5 {592} (#3305048@0)
      My daughter (6) tells me stories about a girl at school who had always been "mean" to her, like pushing her, put garbage on her hair. I asked her to stand up for herself and don't play with her. Since then I kind of view this girl as a bad influence and from time to time check with my daughter if she still plays with her. To my surprise my daughter tells me "she is not to mean to me anymore", " because I whispered in her ear, if you be nice to me, I will be nice to you."

      Of course 9 year olds will be difference from 6 year olds, but don't we behave like kids sometime too?
      • Thanks for ur suggestion, it is helpful. -fhws(凤凰); 2006-11-5 (#3305063@0)
    • I would say to respect your daughter's opinion. She is a little person with her own ideas, especailly in regards to friendship. You should not impose value upon her. -littlepony2002(pony); 2006-11-6 {488} (#3305650@0)
      She will learn from the way you deal with your friends. For a birthday party, it should be a fun and interest place for friends to celebrate one's birthday. If it means that much pain for your daughter, she certainly should not go. It has nothing to do with politeness. You should confirm with her before you make the RSVP. I have seen so many people not coming to a certain party even if they made a RSVP. No big deal. Or, how do you expect your daughter respect your opinion later on?

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