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@Calgary

周末，给孩子上一堂家里的必修课：How to Deal With Bullying at School? 如果你发现孩子在学校被欺负了，推荐这样去做：

nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛(ZT)

Don'ts:

1. Don't minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully's behavior.
2. Don't rush in to solve the problem for your child.
3. Don't tell your child to avoid the bully.
4. Don't tell your child to fight back.
5. Don't confront the bully or the bully's parents alone.

Do's:

1. I hear you; I am here for you; I believe you; you are not alone in this.
2. It is not your fault.
3. There are things you can do.
$. Report the bullying to school personnel.

How to report

1. Arrange a meeting for you and your child with the appropriate person at the school.

2. Bring to the meeting the facts in writing - the date, time, place, kids involved, and the specifics of the incidents - and the impact the bullying has had on your child as well as what your child has done to try to stop the bullying that didn't work.

3. Work with your child and school personnel on a plan that addresses what your child needs right now in order to feel safe, what she can do to avoid being bullied and to stand up to any future bullying, and whom she can go to for help.

4, Find out what procedures the bully will be going through and what kind of support the school is expecting from the parents of the bully.

5. If you feel the problem is not being adequately addressed by the school, know that you can express your concerns and let the teacher and / or administrator know that you will take the next step to the school district board office and if necessary - especially in the cases of serious abuse and racist or sexist bullying - to the police.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
(#4226459@0)
Last Updated: 2008-1-30
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下家园 / 望子成龙 / 周末，给孩子上一堂家里的必修课：How to Deal With Bullying at School? 如果你发现孩子在学校被欺负了，推荐这样去做： -nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手); 2008-1-30 {1581} (#4226459@0)
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛(ZT)

    Don'ts:

    1. Don't minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully's behavior.
    2. Don't rush in to solve the problem for your child.
    3. Don't tell your child to avoid the bully.
    4. Don't tell your child to fight back.
    5. Don't confront the bully or the bully's parents alone.

    Do's:

    1. I hear you; I am here for you; I believe you; you are not alone in this.
    2. It is not your fault.
    3. There are things you can do.
    $. Report the bullying to school personnel.

    How to report

    1. Arrange a meeting for you and your child with the appropriate person at the school.

    2. Bring to the meeting the facts in writing - the date, time, place, kids involved, and the specifics of the incidents - and the impact the bullying has had on your child as well as what your child has done to try to stop the bullying that didn't work.

    3. Work with your child and school personnel on a plan that addresses what your child needs right now in order to feel safe, what she can do to avoid being bullied and to stand up to any future bullying, and whom she can go to for help.

    4, Find out what procedures the bully will be going through and what kind of support the school is expecting from the parents of the bully.

    5. If you feel the problem is not being adequately addressed by the school, know that you can express your concerns and let the teacher and / or administrator know that you will take the next step to the school district board office and if necessary - especially in the cases of serious abuse and racist or sexist bullying - to the police.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • very good post -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-1-30 (#4226470@0)
      • 两个gifted program classes的男生们，互别苗头，以前我对儿子说：Fight back, with your buddies. 现在，应该说，report, you are in a leader group now. -nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手); 2008-1-30 (#4226708@0)
        • I'd say, both...not one way or the other. -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4226714@0)
    • It's not your first time raising this topic. Has it ever been an issue for you kids who are still quite young? -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4226695@0)
      • there was quite a discussion this morning on this -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-1-30 (#4226709@0)
        • you mean on this forum? i didn't have time going through all of them yet, but if you are talking about the one regarding the teacher's prejudice, i'd say: fight back! -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4226723@0)
          • it is very interesting that most parents encourage kids fight back.but i would say only fight back only further conflict is unavoidable and hence kid feels unsafe.if kid can run to report,go report.because at certain point of time in kids' life,they -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-1-30 {54} (#4226764@0)
            gotta to realize that the will of revenge is an evil.
            • 理论上讲你是对的。但是对于真正的bully, 以暴制暴才是正道。那个帖子中的小孩还不是真正的bully. -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4226799@0)
              • 以暴制暴才是正道。are you April or Decemeber? -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-1-30 (#4226845@0)
                • Does it matter? It's an ID anyway :)...这里的教育形式上是要小孩report, 但生活中就是强者为强，当然不局限于体能上，更包括学业，性格，工作能力等等。到了社会上，没有人可以有耐心聆听你的哭诉，凡事只有自己去闯去体验。 -april(april); 2008-1-30 {510} (#4226894@0)
                  女儿小时候刚上幼儿园的头几个月总给欺负。

                  几个月之后一次去接她，白人老师过来跟我说：I have a bad news and a good news for you. 然后她背对着其他孩子， 小声跟我说， 女儿在读书， 另一个小孩从她背后伸出手去抢书， 我女儿回身给了那小孩一巴。 那小孩就直嚷着让老师告诉家长， 所以老师只好跟我说了。 其实老师不觉得这是什么大不了的事。 老师又压低声说说：I'm so glad to see her stand up and fight back. 因为老师自己也觉得女儿平时总是受气包。

                  这就是我说以暴制暴的来由。当然了，自己强了，让别人甚至没有施暴的机会最好。
                  • "女儿在读书， 另一个小孩从她背后伸出手去抢书， 我女儿回身给了那小孩一巴。" ok, you felt happy, how about the other kid's parent? did he deserve a slap on face? "生活中就是强者为强" is this a 强者's behavoir? -win(秋天的菠菜); 2008-1-30 (#4226922@0)
                    • on this one, my support is with you; the goal is not to show everybody you are the strongest when you social, the goal is to make more friends. -everydaylife(绿茶一杯); 2008-1-30 (#4226928@0)
                    • so did my girl deserve to have the book grabbed away at the first place? plus that was not the first time? -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4227719@0)
              • april, you must be kidding.:-) When in Yale University, George W. Bush joined the notorious Skull & Bones. That is really nothing wrong! Being a bully is OK, we can adjust the bully's behavior later on. But being bullied is a misery, -nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手); 2008-1-30 {91} (#4226998@0)
                We simply cannot let it happen. It has a negative impact on child's character development.
                • the children have their little world, if it is not a big issue, then just let it be. -everydaylife(绿茶一杯); 2008-1-30 (#4227023@0)
              • 1。 再重申一遍，以暴制暴是对于真正的bully，那种一贯欺人无视权威的小孩/大人，甚至包括工作中的恶人。2。 强，并不仅是把别人打到地上就是强，更其实是学业，性格，工作等等上的实力和自信让人信服口服。 -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4227706@0)
      • it is an issue now. Boys get social network now and they don't tell you everything happened at school. I got big surprised when receiving a call from school that grade 4 boys revenged grade 5 boys one day after one of them got kicked. -nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手); 2008-1-30 {190} (#4226734@0)
        They are all in gifted program. Can you believe it? The school usually ease the issue by not telling you at all, unless there is a serious incidence, or a parent reported it to school board.
        • I can't believe it! BTW, my boy tells me everything that happened in school. -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4226751@0)
        • do not just keep mentioning "gifted...", are they really gifted? everyone knows that it is not true. How many truly talented people in this world? We do not even need that many, and there are indeed not as many, sir, coffee. :) -everydaylife(绿茶一杯); 2008-1-30 (#4226760@0)
          • 对头。being gifted在这事件中唯一有关联的是，那帮孩子都太傲了点。4年级gifted班的老师没有注意在第一年的时候把他们的气焰给打下去。 -april(april); 2008-1-30 (#4226819@0)
            • Give you further astonishing evidence: They now use social network ( Penguin for one, haven't go to facebook yet ), get enemy's ID, and bully him there. I don't know this until his sister "betrayed" his brother and told me. -nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手); 2008-1-30 (#4226875@0)
              • you just enjoy to make BIG noise here, take it easy on everything, boys like to tease others, just join in to be their friends, not like a nerd every day; it would be so difficult for your kid to find a friend in school, if you just push like this. -everydaylife(绿茶一杯); 2008-1-30 (#4226901@0)
      • especially for the boys, they like to push around, chase others etc. that is one way to show they like each others; you may defend yourself all the times, but that will definitely make yourself a NERD, -everydaylife(绿茶一杯); 2008-1-30 {72} (#4226808@0)
        no one wants to chill with you anymore, you are left out. that is worst!
    • actually, it is all common sense to get along with others. do not make it so complicated, kids are kids, do not make them confused. If you are a nerd like this, no one will like you. -everydaylife(绿茶一杯); 2008-1-30 (#4226727@0)
    • 已收藏,谢谢! -yifeitong(平湖秋月); 2008-1-30 (#4227473@0)
    • Do not fight back, that is the rule, because the bully may have a knife or a handgun. Nobody knows.
      -nicetomeetyou(牛哥,来了就搭把手); 2008-1-31 (#4229692@0)

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