Same for my kid. She dosen't understand English at all. Betty, we have the common point here. Both of our kids don't understand English. For my situation, It is silly. -amy06(Tiantian) @卡尔加里华人论坛:卡尔加里枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Calgary

枫下家园 / 望子成龙 / 妈妈们，你们说我是不是还要坚持送女儿去DAYCARE呢？ -betty123(1122); 2008-7-22 {476} (#4573381@0)
女儿两岁半，个性属于早熟形，很活泼.　我在上班，由我妈带，平常跟表弟表妹一起玩.十月份我妈要回国，想在我妈回国之前让她适应DAYCARE，在上个星期把她放在DAYCARE里，哭也哭了，闹也闹了，现在问题是女儿从DAYCARE回来后变得不爱说话了.问她在DAYCARE里学什么，她说妈妈你不要问学校的事，跟她讲话，她听见也不回答，讲话显得有气无力的，整个人变得呆呆得.姐妹们，你们说说看，我还要继续把她送去DAYCARE吗？听老师说，早上送去时，她会哭，下午就会好一点.但是我怕她以后性格会不会变呀？会不会有恐惧感呢？

赶紧接回来吧。我有个朋友的孩子也是这样，接回来后还过了好一阵才缓过来。可能这个daycare不适合你女儿。 -pepperw(乌龙); 2008-7-22 (#4573389@0)
换一家试试. 我个人坚信, DAYCARE培养出来的小孩性格一定比奶奶姥姥带出来的好. 我们家奶奶在这里的时候, 明知道不对的事也怂恿小孩去做, 只图小孩高兴, 然后向妈妈道歉, 亏她还曾是小学老师. -roo(不喜欢下雨); 2008-7-22 (#4573474@0)

谢谢　pepper　和　roo　妈妈的意见，看到我女儿这样子，真得想哭. -betty123(1122); 2008-7-22 (#4573487@0)

My daughter is two and eight month. Just started day care July 2. She dosen't understand English. She cries every day and every morning she dosen't want to get up from her bed, -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-23 {3111} (#4573769@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛not get dressed. She want to stay home even by her own rather than go to the daycare. In the beginning when we ask her what happened during the day in the daycare, she answers co-operatively. Recently, she is more reluctuant to answer our questions about what happened in the daycare. And I can see her face that something is going on in her mind.

My speculation is that the kid's selfconfidence was challenged when first time go to the day care.

I think parents need to care more about their child's feeling and guide it or intervene. Talk to the care giver in the day care and find out what's going on during the day for her. And then talk to her and let her know why it happens that way and how to improve.

My daugher sometimes has accidents (pee on herself) several times during the day. She never did that in home because she has been off diaper for one year already.

She just dosen't want to sleep on anywhere else than her own bed. She sits on her bed during the nap time the first several days. Later on, she asked for pee just to get off her bed and cried out loudly when the staff try to put her back into her bed again. That way, she waked up everyboday else in the room. I am sure she won't get any good reputation because of doing that. And as a result, she would explained that she just don't like the school and don't want to go to the school.

Everytime when I talked to the day care staff, I can learn what happened during the day for her. And in the end, the conversation always ends like "it's natural and she needs time to adjust herself". I guess that the way it is. When I talk to my daughter, I tried to talk about the possitive side of the daycare such as lots of children, singing and playing.

It's natural. Just think about how to mingle into a new group. It happens during the life all the time: for a little kid started day care, for a high school student who just changed her school, for a person who just entred into a new job. It depends on whether she has the skills to cope with the situation and the support/resources she gets.

As of saying this, it may be helpful for her to learn something during this process and to prevent something going widely wrong, the good thing is that the parents and the care givers have all the power to steer the dynamics. The community within the pre-schoolers would be simpler than any of the others she may get into in her life later on.

Everyday, what I eager to know from my parents is "did she cry when you leave her at the day care." I really feel dragged down if the answer is "she cries and how difficult it is to get her out of the door of home !..." I think I just have to face this kind of answer everyday until it improves itself.

What I can do and need to do is communicate, communicate and communicate, both with my daughter and the day care.

Experiened moms and dads, any good ways to cope with this and make it easier for the child starting day care ?

And parents currently troubled with this, let speak out and we need to be powered with selfconfidence as well.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

HI AMY, where is your daughter's daycare? -betty123(1122); 2008-7-23 (#4574353@0)

PHOENIX CHILD CENTRE. -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-23 (#4574390@0)

换家DAYCARE. -newtoronto(一家三口); 2008-7-23 (#4573804@0)
拜托能告诉我您女儿去的是哪家Daycare吗? 我正准备九月份送女儿去Daycare, 另外, 是不是从 Part-time开始, 孩子容易适应些. 我女儿现在很喜欢和小朋友玩, 但比较胆小. -d2008(老百姓); 2008-7-23 (#4573814@0)

My daughter 's daycare is Agincout temple daycare, in Scarborough, Birchmount and Finch, beside Scarbough Grace Hospital -betty123(1122); 2008-7-23 (#4574344@0)

回bettt 和amy: 孩子懂事了以后去daycare很多父母都面临你们这样的问题。我所知道的比较有帮助的办法是，在daycare找1-2个看性格和脾气比较投合的小朋友（这个自己观察不到的话，问问老师），周末的时候去和小朋友play date. -yuer_xiao(小鱼儿); 2008-7-23 {304} (#4573849@0)
关于set play date, 要特别地跟小朋友的家长聊聊，选择地点和时间的时候要紧着对方的方便，因为毕竟是为了你的小孩。一开始的一两周可能孩子还不大会一起玩，但要坚持几周，慢慢地孩子们就熟悉了，这样对你的孩子的适应很有帮助，她在daycare里有了好朋友以后就不那么恐惧了。

如果可能的话，play date的时候可以2-3家一起。

Thank you for your advise. I will check if some kids live around my area. -betty123(1122); 2008-7-23 (#4574339@0)
Thank you very much for the good suggestion. What we are trying now is that we bring her after dinner to the play ground that belongs to her daycare and try to meet some of the kids from the same daycare. I really like your suggestion. -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-23 {357} (#4574416@0)
However, so far I didn't know too much about the kids in the daycare. My parents send her to the daycare at 9:30am and pick her up before 4:00pm, which is suggested by the staff as a good time frame for my daughter. So, I don't have a chance to have more contact with the daycare other than a phone call every other day.

I need to work harder on this.

Dropping off and picking up by my parents would be the one of the factors as well. I think my daughter would feel disadvantaged just because of this. Would any body give me any suggestions? -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-23 {90} (#4574435@0)
Should I work something out so that I can send her or pick her up ? Might that be helpful?

You'd better send her or pick up her at least once or twice a week, then you will have chance to talk to the teachers and to know the development of your kid in daycare. -snowbell(莹雪); 2008-7-23 (#4574464@0)
每天应该至少自己亲自接送一次，与daycare老师有交流，便于孩子与老师的交流。我有时接孩子，还坐下看孩子们玩一会儿，和别的孩子说说话。问问daycare你可，不可以去当helper，花点时间帮孩子适应那里。 -happyliveincanada(千金散尽还复来); 2008-7-23 (#4574511@0)

一周至少抽一天时间自己去接。接孩子的时候，4点到，但是别接了就走。在那儿陪孩子跟别的孩子玩儿，跟老师聊聊天。有别的家长来接小孩的时候，跟其他家长拉拉家常，争取多记住几个孩子的名字，这样两周下来，你会了解到很多有用的信息。 -yuer_xiao(小鱼儿); 2008-7-24 {353} (#4575644@0)
还有一个办法，看你的情况孩子的daycare离家很近。那就下班尽早回家（如果5点多点就能到家的话最好），带着孩子去daycare玩儿。那时候可以碰到很多接孩子的家长，也是帮孩子交朋友的好机会。同时和还未下班的老师聊聊天，不见得要聊关于你的小孩，哪怕家长礼短，跟老师熟悉，让老师更多了解你的孩子都对孩子适应有帮助。总之，要让老师看到你的努力，这样老师也会相应地配合多些。

This is something I should do. Actually, ... -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-24 {3135} (#4575866@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛the time after 4:00pm the children may sometime sit there and sing with the teacher, which would be really good time if I can accompany my daughter and learn what they usually do in the daycare (such as which song they sing...).

I have so many questions in my head regarding what the daycare dose, I mean the activities. I heard that other daycares they asked parents to be in the daycare with their kids the first week and it is a must. However, my daughter's daycare don't allow parents to be there during the day time. (Maybe they think it would not be good for the kid to be integrated into the group if the parent is around. Or maybe they think it is not fair for the other kids...) I think it would be really a good idea and maybe negotiable with the staff that I am in the daycare with my kid for half a hour or so after 4 pm.

Picking up her would work better than dropping her off at the daycare. I had a chance to drop her off at the daycare one time and that even made the case worse. That day, my daughter is at her best condition (maybe she was proud that Mom was sending her to the daycare today and she probably trusted in me). She didn't cry on the road or even when she entred the daycare door. However, I just wanted to make the connection with the teacher and talked to the teacher about her nap time problem. The conversation went a little bit long and at the end the teacher asked me to translate "I like you" to chinese to my daughter. When she said "I like you" to my daughter face in face, my daughter cried right away and didn't even give me a chance to translate anything. The rest of the scene is that I hugged my daughter, took her up in my arms and comforting her. The situation made all of us very absurd. I was almost trying to tell the teacher that it is not her fault to made my daughter cry, because I saw the uneasiness on the teacher's face when my daughter bursted into cry suddenly. Once my daughter cried, it is even hard for me to leave. Eventrually, I had to leave my crying daughter with the teacher. This case dosen't help anything in any way. I think it even made thing worse. My daughter's behaviour was not as good as before in the following days. Probably in her little mind, she thought that the only time that Mom was around didn't help out in anything but made things worse. Again, her conficence was challenged.

At this stage of my daughter's daycare, dropping off her would more likely lead to a unhappy ending, while picking up her would probably more likely lead to a happy ending. That is what my parents told me as well. To their experience, drop her and leave.

Experienced parents, do you do the same?

It is sometime hard to inteperate the daycare rules either. This Tuesday, the daycare had a trip to the zoo and one parent went together with the kid. I only know this when my parents told me this at the end of the day.

Xiao Yuer, your suggestion made me realize how important it is to pick up my kid myself and that it would open so many possiblities that would help to improve.

I will try this and hope it will work out as desired.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

我不建议你送孩子。我儿子和你女儿年龄差不多大，从1岁就开始去幼儿园了，但他性格比较敏感，而且很粘妈妈。现在都上了一年多了，我去送他的结果仍然很惨烈，所以除非万不得已，都是爸爸送。 -yuer_xiao(小鱼儿); 2008-7-24 {818} (#4576014@0)
他们幼儿园爸爸送，妈妈接的例子很多。有个小女孩，只要是妈妈来送，她就哭哭停停一天，爸爸来送，哭2分钟。

跟老师，小朋友和其他家长的交流一般都是下午接孩子的时候进行。因为早上第一家长上班时间紧张，第二drop off的时候不易恋战。

你可以准备一个中英文对照的表，塑封了，交给老师，这样有利于老师和孩子的交流，同时孩子可能听到后也感觉亲切得多。我知道很多幼儿园老师都用这种方法。我儿子幼儿园老师跟着他学会很多中文词呢。暂时没找到这个list的范例，你自己看着，和老师商量着整一个好了。比如说，我，爸爸，妈妈，姥姥，娃娃，车车，尿尿等等她平时常说到的词或者幼儿园常用到的，拼音用老师能看懂的方式来。

至于让家长第一周陪孩子呆在幼儿园，我觉得大多是指infant班。我看到的toddler班的都很少让家长呆那儿，晚送早接到是比较常见。

每个孩子或多或少都会经历这个阶段，多花点时间和心思帮助孩子度过这段适应期就好了。很快孩子就会喜欢上学校的。

这个daycare不合适你女儿。 -xiaoxue_ca(在路上); 2008-7-23 {263} (#4573955@0)
我朋友的两岁女儿上daycare两三天回家就讲英文，四五天后你不让她去还不答应呢。我儿子三岁开始上，也是很快就适应了，很高兴去。这就是好daycare的样子。

如果不想转，你每天悄悄去观察她在daycare的情况，找出原因。同时和老师多沟通。你表现出对孩子的重视，老师也会比较重视。
应该跟daycare的老师交流一下你的忧虑，看看老师能不能帮忙改变一下。帮孩子在daycare交朋友也很重要，有了朋友，就愿意去。孩子讲英文吗？孩子刚进入英文环境，都有一个适应的过程，痛苦的一关，早晚都要过。 -happyliveincanada(千金散尽还复来); 2008-7-23 (#4573996@0)
她在家里讲英文吗？这才几天，不用太早下结论，慢慢地她会听懂老师的话，也会交到小朋友。 -sisimiss(冰糖葫芦); 2008-7-23 (#4574196@0)

我观察两三岁的孩子交流肢体语言多过口语, 语言环境孩子比大人更容易适应. -d2008(老百姓); 2008-7-23 {262} (#4574305@0)
我觉得 LZ的女儿个性属于早熟型，很活泼, 应该是Daycare的氛围让孩子感觉不安. 我女儿腼腆胆小, 到陌生环境,就紧张成只兔子. 但当她感觉周围人友善,观察一阵就平静了, 如果有小朋友, 她就跟在后面玩, 父母离开也没问题. Daycare老师的态度影响孩子的适应过程. 小孩子也会察言观色.
She doesn't speak english at home, actually she only understand a few english words. I think this is the main reason for her because she doesn't know english. I will wait for serval days to see what happen to the next. -betty123(1122); 2008-7-23 (#4574333@0)

Actually many kids can't speak well in their home-language at your daughter's age, so don't even mention english. -d2008(老百姓); 2008-7-23 {115} (#4574458@0)
I'm sure your daughter could understand english if your daughter watches TV or plays with another child from here.
Same for my kid. She dosen't understand English at all. Betty, we have the common point here. Both of our kids don't understand English. For my situation, It is silly. -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-23 {1033} (#4574481@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛My parents thought it would be good to have my daughter have Chinese speaking ability. So, from the beginning, we only let her contact Chinese materials. We only borrow story books in Chinese and read to her in Chinese, we show her the DVD in Chinese.... We never taught her anything seriously in English. I am very regrate about the choice I made.

Only after she starts day care and the language problem enchances all the other problems in the daycare, we start to purposly introduce English words to her.

Betty, my daughter is just like your daughter in the way that she's active and she can speak out in her own words if in Chinese, sometime using pretty complex sentenses. She just got very frustrated that the others in the daycare couldn't understand her and she couldn't understand the others.

The staff told me that one day, my daughter appeared more happy than the other moment, so the staff said to my daughter "you are happy now, don't you?" You know what, my daughter just bursted into tears right away.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

好多老中家长是这么讲的，小时候只教中文，大了再教英文。我没敢这么执行，怕孩子到英文环境太有挫折感。第一代移民，真不知道哪种方法好。 -happyliveincanada(千金散尽还复来); 2008-7-23 (#4574523@0)

You made a better decision than me. As the first generation of the immigration, neighter of the ways would be perfect and -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-24 {3522} (#4576266@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛cultural shock would stay for the rest of our life. As for me, living comfortablly in a chinese environment in Toronto, shopping in chinese supper market, having chinese colleagues, watching chinese TV, dining in Chinese resturant, I am so privileged (or disadvantaged as some people would say) than if living in other cities of North America. I have the choice to either stay in our own cultural or actively reach out to integrate ourselves more into the main stream. This environment allows me to live confortably in our own cultural enrionment to a certain degree.

Having parents around, again, makes me incline more to a chinese environment than other. Watching Chinese channels together with my parents, go to chinese festivals, engage in chinese community activites, close friends that are only chinese...

Now, all of a sudden, I am doubting whether I went too far so that I am almost consciously or unconsciously ignoring all the mainstrean stuff. In one phone conversation with the day care staff, she told me that my daughter has a prefered friend in the daycare and I presumably thought that it would be a chinese girl. As it turns out that she is a white girl and when I think of Xiao Yuer's suggestion to provide opportunities to have the friends together after school time, I feel that I am so unprepared and inconfident to contact a non-chinese family.

It would come as very naturally that the kid would have some close friends which are chinese and some close friends which are from other cultural. Would our parents question ourselves again if our kids only have chinese kids as close friends or only have foriegn kids as close friends?

When I look on myself now, I only have chinese friends as close friends. I don't have any foriegn friends as close friends. To tell the turth, I feel this is not the ideal and kind of out of balance. However, as all we know, time are all devoted to the family, the kid, the living, having friends only when it happens naturally. Who have the time to make forigen friends just because in order to make the portfolio look good.

I don't know whether my parents would question that why I only have chinese friends and not foriegn friends. To be frank, I don't think this question would even come into their mind. On the other hand, if I have a close foriegn friend, probably my parents would ask why I have a close foriegn friend not a chinese one.

As the first generation of the immigration, we don't know what the norm is and neighter of the way can be perfect. Maintaining both would be difficult and sometime impossible. Generation gap plus cultural gap, what should we guide our kids when they are young? How can we update ourselves and keep up with the kids when they grow up?

We can not even ask our kid to take us as an example because I already noticed my unbalanceness friendwise and in many other things. It is hard bouth on us and on the kid. When they were young and need the guidence most, we don't know how to guide them and what to educate them, and naturelly they don't know which one to follow. Time goes by quickly. And when they grow up and have a mind of their own, we would probably step up and say no, no, no....

Kids are smart, one day they will guide us anyway. I wish that day would come soon. But now, they are young and need guidence. As a parent, it is too normal to be troubled with what is not enough and what is too much. Neighter neglect them nor they are all your attention. Really hard to balance.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Tiantian，别太难过，担心了，我们都不可能做一个perfect的母亲。尽力就好了，根据你的担心，我想你一定是个好母亲，很在意孩子的感觉。我们能做的是淡化这些挫折感，给孩子positive的支持。 -kitkatlover2(KW-CPG); 2008-7-25 {300} (#4579165@0)
playdate，多在daycare陪陪都是办法。孩子从一种环境到另外一种环境都有适应的过程，或长或短，作母亲的只能在旁边默默的帮忙，太强调她的挫折感只会有副面作用。我的孩子是天生谨慎的人，经历的时间较长，你的孩子原来很开朗，时间会短一些。记住，不要太push孩子。孩子慢慢的会变成告诉你 :"晚点来接我，我还没玩够。"

Amy, yes, you are right. my daughter is as same as your daughter. because she doen't know english, she is afraid, scared. I asked her"Why don't you want to go to daycare?is it you don't understand english? she nodded. -betty123(1122); 2008-7-23 {273} (#4574528@0)
And when my mum picked up her and talked to the teacher, the teacher said she didn't play with other kids, and always follows one of the teacher who speak chinese. Amy, It is a hard time for us now, encourage ourselves each other, we will work it out some day. HUG ......

That was exactly what happend to my daughter. In the first week or so, she didn't play with others and only follow the teach who is kind to her and do the best to understand her. -amy06(Tiantian); 2008-7-23 {695} (#4574605@0)
Your daughter is in a better situation than mine. My daughter's day care dosen't have any staff speaks Chinese. There is one English speaking staff who is really kind and try to make sense out of my daughter's chinese wording. And my daughter follows her all the time.

However, recently, the day care told me that my daughter started to reach out to the other children and participate in the activities. However, my daughter still have problem with the nap time.

It seems that it's a patten in the daycare that the child only follow the staff who she can trust when coming into a totally new environment.

So good to know your case. It made me feel that I am not alone. HUG too...

借帖问一下，我家女儿2岁，很外向，不认生，我第一次把她送到MALL的KIDS PLAY CENTER（按小时付费，方便大人逛街的带孩子的地方），她就乐不思蜀了， -estelleliu(朵朵和果果); 2008-7-26 {417} (#4579903@0)
2小时后我去接她，她看到我都跟没看到一样，继续ENJOY其中。每天都想上学，曾经路过DAYCARE看到老师和小朋友在PLAYGROUND玩，她就记住了那是上学，想去，急得直哭，不知道我女儿这种情况是不是去DAYCARE就不会不适应，不需要过渡期了呢？正在考虑9月份送她进DAYCARE，其实我是全职妈妈，只是因为觉得她太喜欢和小朋友一起玩了，所以才考虑送她去的。大家觉得我女儿会象楼长的女儿一样性格因为去了DAYCARE就有所改变了吗？孩子的性格很重要，担心中。

@Calgary

Same for my kid. She dosen't understand English at all. Betty, we have the common point here. Both of our kids don't understand English. For my situation, It is silly.

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