本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛What to do if your don't like your child's friends
Your child may have made a friend you don't quite like. Here are 11 ways to help you navigate this parenting dilemma.
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By Cheryl Embrett
This story was originally titled "So You Don't Like Your Child's Friends" in the April 2009 issue. Subscribe to Canadian Living today and never miss an issue!
Kara Smith* was looking forward to her 14-year-old son starting high school. Chris* was a shy, introverted boy and she hoped he would make some new friends. He did find a pal, but it wasn't the kind of friendship Kara had in mind. "The boy never came by the house and whenever I asked Chris why, there was always an excuse," she recalls. When Chris and his new friend were caught with alcohol at the school Halloween dance, Kara was concerned but supportive. "I told him we all make silly choices and that I trusted him not to do it again."
But there were more red flags. Chris was quieter and less open with his parents, and his marks took a nosedive. "He was putting too much emphasis on this one kid who was giving him attention, but not the right kind," says Kara. Things finally came to a head when Kara discovered her son was smoking pot – and planned on selling it with his buddy. "Bad friends" are every parent's worst nightmare, says Michele Borba, author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them (Wiley, 2005). Some of the most troubling questions Borba gets from parents involve their kids' less-than-stellar friendships. "What do I do if my daughter has a new friend who may be a bad influence?" "I'm dying every time my son goes to this kid's house. I know there's no parental supervision."
Friendships in early childhood are often dictated by the parent – your four-year-old will play with the tot from preschool whose mom you like, for example. But fast-forward five or six years and the control shifts. Tweens and teens start choosing their own friends on the basis of status, common interests and similar values, as well as personality likenesses – and differences. And whether we like it or not, the opinions of our children's peers often carry more weight than ours, say the experts. This can be particularly tough on parents who are used to controlling every aspect of their child's lives, says Borba.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
Your child may have made a friend you don't quite like. Here are 11 ways to help you navigate this parenting dilemma.
ShareThis
By Cheryl Embrett
This story was originally titled "So You Don't Like Your Child's Friends" in the April 2009 issue. Subscribe to Canadian Living today and never miss an issue!
Kara Smith* was looking forward to her 14-year-old son starting high school. Chris* was a shy, introverted boy and she hoped he would make some new friends. He did find a pal, but it wasn't the kind of friendship Kara had in mind. "The boy never came by the house and whenever I asked Chris why, there was always an excuse," she recalls. When Chris and his new friend were caught with alcohol at the school Halloween dance, Kara was concerned but supportive. "I told him we all make silly choices and that I trusted him not to do it again."
But there were more red flags. Chris was quieter and less open with his parents, and his marks took a nosedive. "He was putting too much emphasis on this one kid who was giving him attention, but not the right kind," says Kara. Things finally came to a head when Kara discovered her son was smoking pot – and planned on selling it with his buddy. "Bad friends" are every parent's worst nightmare, says Michele Borba, author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them (Wiley, 2005). Some of the most troubling questions Borba gets from parents involve their kids' less-than-stellar friendships. "What do I do if my daughter has a new friend who may be a bad influence?" "I'm dying every time my son goes to this kid's house. I know there's no parental supervision."
Friendships in early childhood are often dictated by the parent – your four-year-old will play with the tot from preschool whose mom you like, for example. But fast-forward five or six years and the control shifts. Tweens and teens start choosing their own friends on the basis of status, common interests and similar values, as well as personality likenesses – and differences. And whether we like it or not, the opinions of our children's peers often carry more weight than ours, say the experts. This can be particularly tough on parents who are used to controlling every aspect of their child's lives, says Borba.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net