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@Calgary

It's the offspring to describe/comment on a "Great Parent Model", As a parent, whatever you comment yourself as great, it does not count. I've seen so called "too much love/care/scarifice" is actually abused to

bridge2k(bridge2k)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I've seen so called "too much love/care/scarifice" is actually abused to reject their kids, restrict their kids. etc. I hate to see this word "sacrifice". With kids, parents share the joyful life and love, How come the sacrifice? "Sacrifice for kids" is truly a miserable word here. In my mind, a great parent will never ever think he's sacrificing for his kids. A great parent would be grateful with the life his kids brings to. I hate this word coz it also brings a big burden to your kids... just too heavy for them. Is this a great parent would do?

I think the best way to let kids be thoughtful and caring is to behave such by yourself. The communication is an importance piece to reach a mutual acceptable resolution. It's the skill, but not the love. The question here is what to do if there is no mutual understanding to be reached. Are you going to step back for your kids or ask your kids to understand you so as to compromise?

Jeffrey and the mom are not the same people. Jeffrey stands on kids’ side while the mom is on parent side. Jeffrey is doing really well on kids’ side. How about the mom if compared with Jeffrey?

Again, I feel a big different between you and me while reading your last paragraph. I always try to think or understand from kids' point of view while you are doing the opposite. Such comments like “Going to PROM or not is not of that much of importance” are your thoughts, from parent’s side. Do you think how the kids think about? Is this what you called communication?更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
(#5193234@0)
Last Updated: 2009-4-15
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下家园 / 望子成龙 / 从PROM和$100这个贴子里, 看Jeffrey和Huimin的争论. -bridge2k(bridge2k); 2009-4-12 {1360} (#5187510@0)
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛It does trigger my thinking on parents and kids relationship while reading the argument between Jeffrey and Huimin. Jeffrey was indeed a good kid when he was young. But in the original post, who asked for the comments? It's the mom who does not want to pay her son's prom. If this question was asked by the kid, I'd support Jeffrey and would like the kid to understand his parent reasonably. Now it's actually from another side, as a parent, does she feel mean to ask your kid to understand herself reasonably?

    No matter poor or rich, if kids can understand his parents, it's great. But if they can't, as parents, can you understand them? Can you first think of taking the burden on your own shoulder rather than pushing it back to kids and asking your kids to be thoughtful and reasonable?

    Why people always ask his/her kids to give up their interest to support parents' needs? Why this always happen in Chinese parents? So funny why we model such kids as "great kids"? I am wondering where the "great parents" model is.

    I am a parent but I do think this is very mean ideas, though this idea favors a lot for parents interests. But it does not favor for your kids' future.

    So if I were a kid, I would definitely support Jeffrey. But as a parent I support Huimin to request parent to be reasonable when rejecting kids' request.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • Where is the "great parents" model? -xymm(xymm); 2009-4-14 {1012} (#5191295@0)
      Why do you have a doubt about that? I see a lot of great parents around us, especially Chinese parents. They are willing to scarify so much for their children. sometimes it is even too much.

      The key to deal a family issue like this is communication. It is the best way to find mutual understanding. When this bridge of understanding is built, any solution comes out of it is correct. Otherwise, it is always wrong. The mom did a correct thing which is to bring up the question.

      I don’t understand why there are people criticize Jeffrey and the mom who asked the question.

      Going to the PROM or not is not of that much of importance. However, how the parent and kid deal with issue is of the greatest importance. It is a responsibility for parents to teach kids to learn to understand, not only just about their parents, but many more. PROM is a small thing. Money is a small thing either. To cultivate a good, understanding kid is an important thing. Pay or not pay has to aim on this objective only.
      • It's the offspring to describe/comment on a "Great Parent Model", As a parent, whatever you comment yourself as great, it does not count. I've seen so called "too much love/care/scarifice" is actually abused to -bridge2k(bridge2k); 2009-4-15 {1537} (#5193234@0)
        本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I've seen so called "too much love/care/scarifice" is actually abused to reject their kids, restrict their kids. etc. I hate to see this word "sacrifice". With kids, parents share the joyful life and love, How come the sacrifice? "Sacrifice for kids" is truly a miserable word here. In my mind, a great parent will never ever think he's sacrificing for his kids. A great parent would be grateful with the life his kids brings to. I hate this word coz it also brings a big burden to your kids... just too heavy for them. Is this a great parent would do?

        I think the best way to let kids be thoughtful and caring is to behave such by yourself. The communication is an importance piece to reach a mutual acceptable resolution. It's the skill, but not the love. The question here is what to do if there is no mutual understanding to be reached. Are you going to step back for your kids or ask your kids to understand you so as to compromise?

        Jeffrey and the mom are not the same people. Jeffrey stands on kids’ side while the mom is on parent side. Jeffrey is doing really well on kids’ side. How about the mom if compared with Jeffrey?

        Again, I feel a big different between you and me while reading your last paragraph. I always try to think or understand from kids' point of view while you are doing the opposite. Such comments like “Going to PROM or not is not of that much of importance” are your thoughts, from parent’s side. Do you think how the kids think about? Is this what you called communication?更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
        • I think you are who you are because of how your parents raised you. Parents have the most influential impacts on you while you are growing up. -jeffrey815(Smartiecat); 2009-4-15 {2535} (#5193557@0)
          本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I still remember the days my mom has to work from 7am to 4pm, and then would rush home to cook for me, then go to another job from 6 to 9, with both jobs supplying general labour. My parents, my mom was a assistant professor while my dad was an engineer in China. We immigrated to here when they were 45 years old. They suck in English, like many of the new immigrants. They can go back but they chose to stay because they saw a greater future for me. Again, for Chinese parents, a kid's future is the most important. Frankly speaking I know how good I am. I am not the type who will end up in a first tier University in China. At my best, I might go to a decent University and graduated like many others, struggling to find a good job. But in Canada, I was able to Excel because of less competition and a combination of Chinese and Western education. They did everything they can to support me. However, they don't understand here too much when they first arrived. My mom was working so hard because they have heard about how expensive University is and they know how much they can save. In short, they thought the money they were making directly impacted our survival and my continuing education. Given if I am a parent in that situation, I would easily disallow my kid to go to the prom and save the extra two hundred dollars, not for my own but simply it can be better use elsewhere.

          However with this being said, if they have the money like an average Canadian family, they will not hestitate for one second to pay for it, simply because they are very traditional Chinese parents who tried to satisfy all my needs.

          My parents are very proud of me of course. They share the joy of every piece of my success. However, that doesn't mean that I can pretend nothing has happened and they did not make any sacrifice. In their minds, everything is worth it when they look at me today. In my mind, I see it as a trade off at that time. They can live in a more comfortable manner and I will struggle now. Or I can live more comfortably today because of their struggle back then.

          Having said this, if I am the parents and I have the money to pay for it, I still encourage my kids to work for their own money. Especially when you are in Grade 12 and you haven't done any part time job, that means the kid is seriously lacking necessary skills to be successful in the long run. This is simply the Canadian culture. I have seen some over-confident and over-naive Chinese students, especially visa students, and it is just a joke.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
          • To some Chinese families, this is NOT a problem. Parents graduated from China top univ., came here receiving American education. They setup bank account for kid as early as when he is 1 year old, let him manage his own money since then. -nicetomeetyou(牛年绷牛筋惊天殊); 2009-4-15 (#5193851@0)
    • 其实很多中国父母做出了很多牺牲。很多刚来的父母大概不了解prom在这里中学生活的重要性，还以中国的想法来对待。从作人的角度讲Jeffrey是个很好的孩子，理解父母的艰辛。从做一个好父母的角度来讲，我们应该支持孩子的prom， -tianluoguniang(明月人倚楼); 2009-4-14 {72} (#5191603@0)
      就象支持孩子的婚礼一样，是我们做父母应该做的。大家都应该做好自己的角色。

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